Oh Well

26 Jul

I knew it was too good to be true. The maca-cacao “latte” I’ve been making for myself as a coffee stand-in? Yeah, can’t drink that anymore. I don’t know why I ever thought that was going to work considering what a clear cut migraine trigger cocao/cacao has always been for me. I guess I wasn’t really thinking about all that. I was just thinking, “Hmmm, this tastes like coffee and it sorta gives me a buzz life coffee, but it’s NOT COFFEE so it can’t be bad.”

Then on Wednesday, I had a latte before our staff run of the play and felt, meh. A little weird. Not awake at all really and then, at the end of the night I was like, “Why is the stage light so fucking bright tonight?!? And like, RIGHT IN MY FACE?” Later that night, i went out for dinner with some playwright friends and while sitting at the bar, chatting with one of them, I realized I couldn’t even see her because I was so completely blinded by the setting sun shooting in through the front windows of the restaurant. I thought this was weird but I didn’t really think any else of it.

The next morning, I slept a little late and woke up with a headache that was similar to a caffeine-withdrawal headache and I was like, “that’s weird! I haven’t been drinking nearly enough caffeine for all that.” So I got up, felt a little groggy, made breakfast and made myself a latte. I couldn’t quite wake up all morning and kept feeling like I just wanted to go back to sleep. I started doing some work and about an hour in, I was totally unable to focus and my head was starting to pulsate.

I started to freak out. I don’t know why. It’s not like I’ve never had a migraine before. But for some reason, yesterday, the fact that I was feeling how I was feeling just like completely wigged me out. I was so freakin’ dizzy, I thought I’d fall down the minute I stood up. So I decided to stand up. Classic.

Because I like to deny that I feel things, instead of just going back to sleep, I got dressed and went to Trader Joe’s. There’s one right down the block from me in Chi-town and since there are NONE in Miami and I love TJ’s, I’ve kinda been going every day. I’m self-medicating with dried mango and organic kale. Anyhoo…

On the way back from TJ’s, I nearly started to cry. Seriously. And I wasn’t even in that much pain. But the light sensitivity and the dizziness and I don’t know, man. I’m a mess. Or I was a mess yesterday. By the time I got back to the apartment, I’d stopped crying but I knew there was nothing left to do but go to sleep. And that’s what I did. From 12:30 to 2:30.

The pain never got so bad that I had to take anything and since the only thing that has ever worked on my migraines is Excedrin and Excedrin is full of caffeine I didn’t want to take anything anyway. By late evening, the dizziness had subsided and I started getting that slightly enjoyable euphoric feeling that us migraineurs get to revel in during the postdrome. It’s the least a migraine headache can do for me considering that I tend to linger in the postdrome for several days and the other symptoms are not that much fun at all.

I went to sleep last night at 11PM and slept until 9AM. I think I woke up three times but I can’t be 100% sure. Today, no cacao. No headache. And I’m messing with when I take my supplements. Thinking maybe that might have something to do with all this too. Bottom line: I can’t have pure cacao. The jury’s still out on chocolate bars with a lower cacao content. I just wanted to write “cacao” again.

In the next post, maybe I’ll tell you about the insane fight I witnessed two nights ago. Everything they say about this city and it’s violence is true. Over and out.

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